True Forgiveness
In Genesis 33, Jacob is reunited with his older brother Esau. Jacob fears for is life because many years before this, he had stolen his brother Esau’s birthright and blessing by deception. When Esau discovers what Jacob has done, he is overwhelmed with emotion and bitterness. Three times Esau asks his father Isaac if he has any blessing left for him, and each time Isaac says, “I’m sorry my son, no.” (Gen. 27:34). Then in verse 41, it says, “Now Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” Jacob has to flee and has not seen his brother since until now. But in an amazing turn of events. When Esau and Jacob are reunited years later, instead of being punished for what he did, Esau forgives him. Which makes this story in the Bible one of the greatest examples of forgiveness of all time. This scene helps us understand what true forgiveness is and what it is not.
First, real forgiveness releases. Jacob has put a lot of time and energy into planning how he might approach his brother. As already mentioned, he sends his messengers with gifts and specific instructions on what to say and how to say it. When the messengers return and tell him that Esau’s coming, the Bible says, “Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed” He then divides his people into two groups so that if Esau attacks one, the other can escape. The next day He staggers the order of his family with the most important, Rachel and Joseph, furthest from danger. Then as he moves toward Esau, he keeps stopping to bow. He does this seven times (he’s instructed his family to do the same). But he is immediately released from the burden of fear and regret when in Genesis 33:4 it says, “But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.”
Secondly, real forgiveness restores. This part of the story reminds me of another story. The parable of the prodigal son. I am sure Jesus had the story of Jacob in mind as he told it because they are so similar. When the younger son decides to return home after disgracing his family (like Jacob), he repeats his well-rehearsed speech during his journey home “‘I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:19-20). Instead of making his son a servant, he puts his robe on him and the family ring, immediately restoring him to the status of son. Likewise, Jacob refers to himself as Esau’s servant (Gen. 33:5), but in verse 8, Esau does not refer to Jacob as a servant but as a “brother.” Jacob is restored to the status before he sinned against his brother.
Thirdly, and lastly, real forgiveness reconciles. Reconciliation is not restitution. At first, Jacob tries to make restitution. He sends cattle and gifts to Esau, hoping this will earn his brother’s favor. But real forgiveness isn’t earned or deserved; if it were, it wouldn’t be forgiveness. True forgiveness does not require payback, and yet it does require payment. Reconciliation is different than restitution in that restitution comes at the cost of the offender, but reconciliation comes at the cost of offended. Jacob’s sin came at a great cost. When someone hurts us, it doesn’t just disappear. But instead of making Jacob pay for his sin, Esau has chosen to absorb it himself. This is why when Esau refuses Jacob’s attempts at restitution. This causes Jacob to make a profound statement: “for truly to see your face is like seeing the face of God—since you have received (accepted) me with such favor” (Gen. 33:10).
The night before this encounter, Jacob had seen the face of God because he had wrestled with him. In Colossians, Paul says, “Jesus is the image of the invisible God” (1:15) basically if you want to see God, it’s through Jesus. A few verses later, he says, “He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead so that he might come to have first place in everything. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell” (1:18–19). Jesus is the face of God. Jacob had wreslted with the preincarnate Son of God, Jesus, the night before and recognized Jesus in the face of his brother Esau’s forgiveness. It wasn’t Esau who paid the ultimate price, but Jesus. “through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross.” Colossians 1:20 (NRSV). Jesus is the true firstborn (from the dead) who received the curse we deserved so we could receive the blessing and birthright only he deserves.